I went to a Shaktipat ceremony, uh what?

When I saw the people coming out of her Shaktipat workshop at the Tantricjoyfestival I felt that I needed to experience this too. I didn't go that time because I felt more for another workshop. So when I saw she organized a shaktipat by the end of August I signed up and invited my friend to join me.

I was walking after work towards the studio Place to be in Amsterdam, hihi the name got to me. It was beautifully hidden between the trees, away from the main road. It looked kind of fairytale-ish with all the plants growing alongside the building and the wooden painted boards that said where to go. It looked a bit old and felt magical in a way. It felt as if my experience with this ceremony already started. I felt this was going to be special, and interesting but still I was not sure what to expect really. I went inside and felt welcomed so lovely, with tea and smiling faces. Then I walked into the main space and boom: peace, and quietness. I found myself and my friend a spot and looked around. Always feels a bit funny to me going into a room taking up my space, feeling watched by people who are sitting already.

I saw her, Karlijn, and she smiled at me. Did she recognise me from the festival? She looks like a goddess in her white clothing and her reserved but present and welcoming energy. She guided the evening and I wondered, How did she get here? How did she become a teacher? How did I get here? Why am I actually here right now? I believe everything happens for a reason. Now I could share this ceremony with my friend and there was apparently a strong blue super moon tonight, whatever that means haha. Honestly, I love the moon and the stars but my knowledge of astrology is not there yet.

The evening started with this beautiful sound healing. The musician seemed down to earth to me in the beginning but when he started with his sound healing wow the vibrations, I felt them super deep through my body, it was amazingly beautiful and made me come to a resting place and made me feel grounded. After a short break, we were going to start with the actual Shaktipat ceremony. You probably wonder what this actually is. Well, Shaktipat is a tantric meditation where the kundalini energy, also known as life force/ life energy that goes through our spine, will be invited to rise through this meditation. Anything that will be channelled through can be expressed.

When she explained this to us I was questioning if anything would be channeled through me or if I would feel blockages that would stop it. Will I be able to feel strong emotions? What will I feel and experience actually? I felt nervous and before I knew it we were starting. I heard deep vibrating music, with a lot of sounds, bells. The lights went off, I saw fire, smelled different smells. I received some elements on my face. There were noises and they got louder and louder: screaming and crying. I felt fear and I comforted myself in my mind. It was really accurate with a card I pulled on the table during the break, which said 'Let it be' and the words that stayed with me were 'I do not need to fix myself, my pain and fear just need to feel heard'. So I sat there on my meditation pillow taking it all in, comforting myself and feeling curious about what I would feel. In moments I felt my body moving in ways that I cannot explain. I also felt quite conscious about myself. I heard Karlijn moving through the room and I heard more sounds, more noises, more movements. I felt nervous the closer she came. Then she touched me and I felt.. I still do not know actually. I heard myself making noises which I only knew covers my crying but it did not come out. I felt more movement in my body after. There were two moments of absolute silence in my body. I never felt this before and it felt really weird, and peaceful. It felt so quiet I was questioning if I was still breathing but I could also not change it. Super interesting and then again I felt these movements in my body.

At one point the music shifted to lower vibrations and with this change of sound, I really felt my energy dropping and I realized how high I had felt in my energy. I thought not so much was happening to me but this shift I felt intensely. The ceremony was ending, we shared and nurtured each other. I felt vulnerable and I felt grateful I got to share this with my friend. That we could feel vulnerable together and she was there for a hug. We left and on the way home we embraced the supermoon for a moment, it was a really beautiful full moon. Karlijn had explained this meditation could keep on working on us and we might experience some sort of awakening later these days.

It was almost midnight and I was almost home when I started to feel sadness coming up. I got triggered by someone's story about boundaries and I felt this deeply. Many tears, and pain I felt. I actually wanted this, to release what I was holding only it felt super confronting where the pain came from. It made sense tho because it is a big topic in my life right now, which I will share about in a next blog.

The day after the ceremony I decided to stay at home. I still felt a lot: vulnerability, pain and fear. I felt like I was getting stuck with these difficult emotions and thoughts, so I turned on some music with the intention to dance and let the emotions flow better but I felt more like singing. So I started to sing out loud 'Halo' and 'Listen' from Beyonce, my forever queen, and wow I felt so many vibrations and tingles through my body as if I felt constant goosebumps. I felt again this feeling I felt when Karlijn touched me on my throat during the ceremony. Crazy. I almost cried from the intensity but I loved feeling it too. I cannot put my experience in any logic or ratio and I am also still processing. This felt like pure feeling and experiencing. I remember this from the effect of the workshops at the Tantricjoy Festival. I realize how much I needed this, this deep feeling of sensations through my body, to just be and let things be felt.

Thank you Karlijn, Thank you Shaktipat, Thank me for going hihi <3