Where is home?

Is this not ironic, a nomad that is looking for a home? Since 2018 I have been making travels by myself outside of the Netherlands, where I work with wildlife as a veterinary nurse. and ever since I cannot stay longer than three months in the Netherlands, or I feel the urge to travel again. I have lived and worked from weeks to months in six countries. I have been asking myself so many times 'Where do I feel at home?'. I feel like I am searching for a place in this world that will make me feel at home, a place that will give me a definite YES.

The Netherlands is where I was born and raised, well the little human-created city named Almere. To me, it does not feel like my place to be. It is a flat and fast-developing country. The majority of the people seem disconnected from nature. There is almost no nature (left) and what is there is often human-created. The same as the beaches, which I do like. I love the ocean in general: the ability to view wide over the horizon and not have to struggle through buildings to see the sunrise or sunset. The Netherlands does have its beauty afcourse. I have said for years that if I have to or will stay in the Netherlands then Amsterdam will be it, the place where I feel most alive in the Netherlands.

The first thing people say when they hear I am from close to Amsterdam is 'Oeh Marihuana'. Haha yes, marihuana is legal, which is lovely but that is definitely not all. It is such a vibrating city, with a painful and beautiful history. The cute canals that are connected through the city and the millions of different people and cultures the city attracts. Not to forget the wonderful and bubbly festivities. There is always something happening in Amsterdam.

While I am writing this blog I am on the Pacific side in Costa Rica for three months. I am doing my bachelor's thesis here for animal management in a Wildlife Sanctuary. It is my second time here and my first time going back to the same place. Besides the excitement, I felt a bit anxious and nervous before I arrived because I had such a dreamy and wonderful experience last year. I made connections with these wonderful women that feel like sisters to me, and I knew they would not be here this time, except for one <3. It is definitely not the same experience this time and it has been feeling difficult for me at times because I could see myself living here with the experience of last year but now I feel different about being here. I do also feel grateful to be here and I absolutely love being surrounded by wild and magnificent nature and by people with the heart in the right place, sharing the passion to conserve wildlife and our planet. I only realized that home is not a place but it is the people. It made me feel a little bit sad and insecure because how can I have all my loved ones in one place where I can work with wildlife in a tropical environment? All my loved ones are travellers themselves and live everywhere in this world. Which also has its benefits, I get to visit my loved ones in their beautiful homes! One day I met this wonderful woman that practised holistic massages at an eco-market in Uvita. Apparently, she lived next to my parents in Amsterdam and she knew me as a small kid. What are the odds? Such a small world. Anyways we had a very deep, connecting and lovely talk about life and about self-love. She told me that I am not looking for a place but I am on a journey to my self. She reminded me that home is a place I create, it is a choice and a choice only I can make. Besides this urge of finding my home and to live in one place, it also makes me feel a bit nervous about the idea of being in one place forever. I get bored at a certain point and will need new stimulants. Can you tell I am a Sagittarius.. haha. Anyways I have talked about this with loved ones and the thought they shared with me: 'A home does not have to be one place forever', makes me feel at peace and makes room to feel fully excited about my next choice. It made me realize again that I do have felt at home in places but after a time period I left or people left and the feeling changed. So I have asked myself which people I want to have close to me right now. And in which place can I be close to them now? Well, my choice felt clear, and I feel ready and full of love for country number seven. A lucky number hihi. I will tell you all about it in one of my next blogs!